Sawdust
When was the last time you had a piece of sawdust latched to your eyeball? Can you remember how you blinked and squirmed so much it looked like you were searching for a test to cheat on? It’s funny how the smallest thing, like a speck of sawdust, can make us lose our focus on everything but getting that parasitic nightmare out of our eye socket! Now, just for funsies, picture someone with a 2x4 sticking out of their eye. I can’t help but laugh thinking about what I could only assume would be Pinocchio’s “special cousin”. Now imagine that this person sees someone rubbing their eye trying to remove a speck of sawdust and they think to them self, “That poor soul. How miserable they must be with that speck of sawdust in their eye.” They then proceed to try and save that person from their misery only to find the recipient of their gracious mercy perturbed whenever they get any closer than eight feet to them. Annoyed by their insolence and clear lack of understanding, “Plank Eye” then tries even harder to approach them in order to point out the terrible speck of sawdust in their eye. This only makes the unwilling recipient of his kindness grow even more irritable and pushy. The nerve. The person shorts out something about a 2x4 smacking them in the face but Plank Eye is too busy tending to the more urgent needs (that is, the sawdust).
Thankfully the odds of this ridiculous situation happening are slim to none, yet the application of its lesson is all too prevalent. So many times we project ourselves as one of the character in this absurd Disney sequel gone wrong, yet the character we attach ourselves to is often the one with the speck of sawdust, not the guy with the lumber yard spilling out of his face. It’s all too common, really. When conflict arrives between me and my co-worker, my wife, etc., I can quickly identify the source of the issue (and I don’t need a mirror to do it). Clearly they are the one with the problem, the one who is illogical or missing the critical facts. If they only knew what I knew or had the wisdom that I possessed, this controversy would be solved! Sure, I might have some sawdust in my eye, but that’s nothing compared to the plank in their own eye! If we want to get to the tree root of the problem, it’s obvious that we should focus on the other person’s problem(s).
Plank-In-My-Own-Eye
Does this sound familiar? Be honest because I know it does! It is our human nature to be convinced that we are typically right and others are typically wrong. The problem with this mindset is that if often results in stalemates and conflict escalation, not compromise and unity. Over time, I have tried to observe my own actions and behavior during conflict in order to discover whether they are productive or counterproductive. Through this journey, I’ve tried to adopt what I believe to be a very powerful paradigm which has grown me as both a leader as well as a person. I’ve found that, by shifting my mindset regarding challenges like these, I have developed a greater capacity to shape outcomes characterized by unity, self-improvement, and growth. I call this approach the “Plank-in-my-own-eye” mindset.
As I said earlier, I feel it’s safe to say that most people tend to identify themselves more with the person with the speck of sawdust in their eye. This comes from an underlying belief that, while we may not be perfect, we are definitely more perfect than Pinocchio over there. The problem is that, while this stance is quite natural, it’s not always the most beneficial. In fact, contrary to popular opinion, it is often the one who acknowledges their fallibility who gains the greatest power and growth. Philosopher Daniel Cohen describes how he now embraces losing arguments because it means that he experiences “cognitive gain”, or in other words, he became better by humbling himself enough to admit his argument wasn’t right. This is not an easy pill to swallow. We typically prefer to operate under the assumption that in order to gain power we must hide our errors and fight to prove we are right, even when there’s a chance that we aren’t. However, I have come to discover that the simple mindset shift of embracing the possibility that we might actually be the bearer of the hypothetical plank creates two powerful results: first, it makes us wiser and more self-aware, and second, it creates safety for others to discover their own errors.
“It is often the one who acknowledges their fallibility who gains the greatest power and growth. ”
Wisdom and Self-Awareness
The first benefit that the “plank-in-my-own-eye” mindset brings is the unlocking of potential for growing our own wisdom and self-awareness. If we want to focus on growing ourselves instead of trying to create a false image of perfection, it requires that we humbly accept the fact that we ALWAYS have something to learn through the conflict we experience, regardless of who is “more right”. Real quick, would you mind rereading that last sentence? I cannot stress the last part of that sentence enough because too often we stunt our growth by missing opportunities to improve ourselves simply because we perceive that the majority of the blame for the conflict lies in the other persons’ court. This may be true. However, the real question is does it even matter? Whether you are 5% right or 95% right matters very little. If becoming the best versions of ourselves matters to us, we must operate from the mindset that every conflict, every challenge, every struggle, holds the key to our next level of growth. Stephen Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, once said, “Our most difficult experiences become the crucibles that forge our character and circumstances in the future.” The “plank-in-my-own-eye” mindset is not naïve to the possibility that the other person might carry more of the blame for the conflict than I do. It simply refuses to use that fact as an excuse not to hop onto the crucible of difficult experiences in order to be painfully transformed into something better and stronger.
“If we want to focus on growing ourselves instead of trying to create a false image of perfection, it requires that we humbly accept the fact that we ALWAYS have something to learn through the conflict we experience, regardless of who is “more right”.”
“The “plank-in-my-own-eye” mindset is not naïve to the possibility that the other person might carry more of the blame for the conflict than I do. It simply refuses to use that fact as an excuse not to hop onto the crucible of difficult experiences in order to be painfully transformed into something better and stronger.”
Safety
The second advantage produced by the “plank-in-my-own-eye” mindset is how it subtly works at a deep, emotional level to create a sense of relational safety which allows others to lower their guard and (perhaps) entertain the possibility that they might not be as right as they thought they were. I’ve seen this work in my own life. During a very difficult season in my leadership, I experienced a substantial conflict with one of the people on a team I was leading. With all of the objective self-awareness I was able to muster, I truly did believe that this person carried the majority of the weight for creating the conflict. It took everything within me not to fight tooth and nail to defend myself while pointing out all of the sawdust in his eye. However, if there’s one thing that I’ve learned, it is that sawdust cannot exist without the existence of a plank, and it is unfortunately probable that the plank might be lodged in my own eye. I made the choice to try and live out of the paradigm that it was I who had the plank in their eye, not the other person. This meant that I needed to make changes in the way that I led. It was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, but months later, I found that the bridge I almost burned between us was still strong enough for us to reconnect and rebuild our relationship. Had I chosen to block out his complaints regarding my character and leadership style, I would have forced him to keep up his emotional walls. Instead, my attempt (imperfect as it was) to admit my errors contributed to helping him overcome his own growth obstacles. Focusing on my own plank of growth was one of the keys to creating the safety necessary for both of us to exit the crucible with stronger character and more optimal future circumstances.
“Sawdust cannot exist without the existence of a plank, and it is unfortunately probable that the plank might be lodged in my own eye.”
Buckle Up
At the end of the day, the most important question we must ask ourselves is this: What do we want? If we desire to win POINTS, we will burn every bridge and deny every mistake necessary to score a better reputation. However, if we are courageous enough to strive instead to win PEOPLE, we will lay down the self-serving defense of our pride in order to pick up the interests of others. This, my friend, is leadership.
If you’re looking to put some points on the “I’m right, You’re Wrong!” scoreboard, have fun with that. However, if you’re in the business of winning people, buckle up, because it’s a bumpy ride. Choosing this path will mean giving up that good feeling of gloating over your “enemy’s” defeat when you prove to them how much sawdust is in their eye. It will mean laying down a great deal of pride when you decide to focus and work on your own faults instead of theirs. Yet when we embrace the “plank-in-my-own-eye” mindset, we discover a power to beautifully transform both ourselves as well as those we influence.
“If we desire to win POINTS, we will burn every bridge and deny every mistake necessary to score a better reputation. However, if we are courageous enough to strive instead to win PEOPLE, we will lay down the self-serving defense of our pride in order to pick up the interests of others. This, my friend, is leadership.”
Will you continue to wear yourself out by focusing on the faults of others or will you choose to live life as if there really was a plank of “growth opportunities” just within arm’s reach? The choice between the sawdust and the plank is yours
I hope you choose the plank.