The To Dread List
On April 25th 2015 at 11:56 (NPT), Nepal was struck with the worst natural disaster the country has experienced in over 80 years. The 7.8 magnitude earthquake struck in the heart of the country’s Gorkha region, just 50 miles to the northwest of the capital city of Katmandu, killing 9,000 people and injuring nearly 22,000 others. Shortly after the disaster, an investigation was launched into the earthquake’s affect upon the local buildings. It was concluded that the majority of the structures that were partially or completely destroyed were constructed of brick or stone masonry with little to no seismic detailing whereas the buildings designed to withstand seismic shock (i.e. reinforced concrete buildings) were largely undamaged.
Many of us remember this day. Having walked those very streets just two years prior to the earthquake, I remember viscerally feeling the pain of the thousands that died or had their lives forever changed. It made me question why so many had to die. The unfortunate fact is that, while many died outside the cities, the majority of the lives lost were lost due to buildings collapsing, a failure that could have been avoided. As the previously mentioned investigation revealed to the world, the buildings that were constructed with greater care and cost were the ones that protected their inhabitants and the innocent civilians surrounding them when the disaster occurred. The buildings that were erected in haste and without proper safety precaution, on the other hand, were the villains in this tragedy. The question then becomes: why were so many killed?
If we look at the primary reason behind why many of those buildings were built in a manner insufficient to withstand catastrophic forces of the earthquake, we see the essence of man’s nature. In the same way that a river flows down a mountainside, we naturally allow ourselves to be directed in the path of least resistance. In terms of buildings, it is only natural to bypass obstacles of cost and time when doing so will bring about a more desired immediate outcome. Yet don’t think this tendency applies only to architecture, for when we look inside ourselves we see that that very same habit to avoid what we dread lies within us all.
If we are honest with ourselves, when given the choice between doing something we are afraid to do and something we aren’t afraid to do, the latter tends to be more appealing. Whether we are afraid of discomfort, success, failure, or rejection, we often avoid these things by fooling ourselves into believing that doing so will lead to our thriving. The reality is that such avoidance only brings about a worst outcome. In the same way, leaders also face the constant temptation to avoid the things they dread the most, whether that’s admitting a mistake they made, investing in a new tool or product, or having a difficult conversation with a team member. In the moment it feels so much easier to sweep the error under the rug, stick with the tools you’re used to, or pretend there isn’t an elephant in the room. The problem with this is that avoided fears never dissipate, they compound. While we might think that avoiding our fears will decrease our pain, the only thing that will decrease is our character.
“Avoided fears never dissipate, they compound.”
Snoozing
Excuses and obstacles for leaders are not in short supply. The most common obstacle to overcoming our fears is delaying challenges instead of gratification. Full confession here: I LOVE delaying getting out of bed. Some call it snoozing, I call it gracefully transitioning into consciousness. If I’m being honest, though, I really wish I was more disciplined about getting up on time. I know those few (*cough* 60) minutes add up over time and make it harder to achieve my goals for the day. It just feels so gratifying to sleep in, so I often pick that over the challenge of biting the bullet and getting out of bed.
“The most common obstacle to overcoming our fears is delaying challenges instead of gratification.”
A second obstacle in overcoming our fears is believing false narratives. False narratives are any kind of false, self-limiting belief (i.e. a scarcity vs. abundance world view or an inaccurately low self-esteem) that keep you from acting effectively from a truthful paradigm. They have a fiendish way of subtly undercutting every part of our leadership, making it nearly impossible to find the direction or strength necessary to overcome our fears.
Identify
In order to rise above the obstacles that hold us back from facing our fears, I’ve found three things to be very helpful. First, we must IDENTIFY the false narratives we believe and begin telling ourselves a new narrative that is based on fact, not fiction. Identify the lie you believe about there not being enough time in the day and replace it with the truth that we are all given the same 24 hours, or the lie that we don’t have the natural charisma or personality to be successful and replace it with the truth that we all have the same opportunity to mold our character into what we desire it to be, or the lie that you could never recover if you tried something new and failed and replace it with the truth that you will never know the extents of your power unless you open your soul to the uncertainty of success or failure. It’s sad to say but, given the way we coddle and prioritize our fears over courage, you would think they were our best friends! This is unfortunate and we must find the strength to kick our fears where they belong: to the curb. In the words of Jack Hayford, “How would you treat a friend who lied to you as often as your fears did?”.
Boom.
List
After we identify the false narratives we have come to believe, it’s time to make a list: The To Dread List, that is. I shamelessly stole this idea from author and blogger Chris Guillebeau who describes how, in order to force himself to do the things that he knows must get done but he dreads doing, he writes them all down on a list and then requires himself to do those things before he starts on the things he wants to do. As Guillebeau put it, “instead of pushing it off, just start sitting with it”.
“How would you treat a friend who lied to you as often as your fears did?”
I hate beginning to write. That’s correct, I just wrote that I hate starting to write. Finishing a writing project is awesome, but there’s something about that first step of beginning the process of turning an idea into a literary reality that is often very slow and painful. I’m rarely inspired to write when I need to start, which is why it is all the more important that I put it on my To Dread List. If I were to wait until I felt inspired, I would never meet my goals. As one person said, “inspiration is a fickle friend. It may visit you every day for a month and then disappear for an entire year.”
Feel
In order to give our vehicle enough fuel to move from the place we are at (our fears) to the place we are going (overcoming our fears), we must find a way to ensure that we feel the negative consequence that will result from not facing our fears. If we do not viscerally FEEL these negative consequences, we will never make the choice to overcome that fear. In the same way that an architect or builder is unlikely to spend the extra time or money constructing a seismically resistant building when those upgrades will not lead to an immediate and tangible benefit (or the avoidance of an immediate and tangible consequence), so leaders are also unlikely to face the fears that ultimately keep them from building an organization or business that is strong enough to resist the quakes of life.
“Inspiration is a fickle friend. It may visit you every day for a month and then disappear for an entire year.”
So how does one go about “feeling” these consequences? One way to achieve this is to artificially imitate the consequences of avoiding the “to dread” list. I’ll give you an example. When I decided I had had enough of sleeping past my alarm, I decided to creatively take advantage of my competitive nature by creating a system of rewards and punishments for my behavior. You see I just wasn’t feeling any strong enough negative consequences from oversleeping to warrant the work it would take to quit, so I knew I had to make my own consequences if I wanted to change. I placed two glass jars beside my bed and each morning, whenever I woke up on time, I would place a quarter in the “good boy” jar. However, if I chose to sleep past my alarm, I would put a quarter in the “bad boy” jar. At the end of a certain period of time, I would reward myself by spending the money in the good jar on some kind of treat like eating out or something.
One last point on this: you’ll need accountability! In order to solidify my commitment to waking up on time, I recruited help from a friend to hold me accountable to this commitment. It’s amazing how high we can soar when we fly together and how low we can fall when we fly alone.
“It’s amazing how high we can soar when we fly together and how low we can fall when we fly alone.”
Out of Breath
Just like 9,000 people did not need to die in that earthquake in Nepal, so leaders do not need to resign themselves to a life of stagnant character growth. Few things in this world are unchangeable but one thing that will never change is our ability to choose our character. No one, not even yourself, can ever take away your choice to see through the weak façade of fear. One band described this fear as nothing more than “a liar running out of breath.”
It is important to point out that while the tools we just discussed are powerful allies in our fight against complacency, they are not a magical genie in a bottle who, when rubbed, can simply wish all of our struggles away. Only you hold the power to reframe your narratives as you become the type of world-changing leader you were made to be. With that said, let us choose to walk, not in a spirit of fear, but rather a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline.